Overload

            I’ve probably written this a 100 times and just haven’t posted it.  I’m not sure why, but now I’ve come to a breaking point and I need to get my feelings out.   I need to vent and I need to have my say. 

            First off I’m going to use no names.  It’s not necessary.  Anyone who has any idea of this situation will know who and what I am talking about.  Secondly you don’t have to keep reading.  If you don’t want to read this then just close the window now.  I have already said that this is not a vendetta against anyone and I’m not FORCING anyone to read this….. From this point on YOU are making the choice to continue reading. 

            It has been a very rough summer.  Lots of ups and down.  Visitation was achieved and trust was established, and civil conversation even happened from time to time.  I thought we were finally getting to a point where we could we could build some kind of routine.  Then it all went to shit.

            Labour Day long weekend 2012:  First sleepover, successful with no issues, awesome.  Then, two days later, another successful visit and even some civil conversation.  Things were looking good.  There was even some contact with someone who was involved accidently in the beginning of this mess.  The contact went well and they decided to pull back.  It felt like some kind of level of “normal”, like somehow life was going to continue to improve.

           

       So what happened?? First day of school, night time, the text messages start, he’s   desperate to see the boys to say “good bye”.  He said he was leaving and never returning.  Why?  “Done with this place.” And “depressed’ where the two reasons.  That’s strange he didn’t seem depressed two days ago when the kids were there.  Then the picture came.  It was not good.  It didn’t leave a lot to the imagination.  It was obvious what he did but I pushed and asked anyway.  The response was, “Box cutter” to both wrists after taking a “handful of pills”.  Out of depression?  Where was he, or rather where should he have been?  Well he should have been at the hospital being monitored and medicated and taken care of.  Instead he was released and stayed at friends.  Clearly he was still unstable when talking to me.  He was unreasonable and agitated.  So why was he released?  Good question.  One I haven’t been able to get an answer yet. 

            Two days later I saw him face to face.  I was scared, worried and angry.  I expected to see a broken man who had good reasons and was being taken care of by someone and told to get help and go on some kind of medication.  What I saw was disturbing.  He and his girlfriend were laughing and giggling like there was nothing wrong, like it was some kind of joke, and something that people do as a regular thing.  8 stitches is not “nothing”, and it’s not something to laugh about.  It’s not even something to ignore or push off like it doesn’t matter.  It was a cry for help, a BIG one.  Where were the people to help?  Well his sister came to his rescue and offered to move in with him and “babysit” him.  I believe I have mentioned her before.  She was part of the reason I left him in the beginning.  She had her own suicidal issues.  She took a bottle of pills and was in and out of hospitals for weeks.  She lost custody of her child because of her instability.  Now they live together.  It’s a recipe for disaster…a powder keg, waiting to go off.

            So anyway, he shows me the pictures of his cuts.  Yes, he took pictures of them.  Is he proud of what he did?  Is he proud of the fact that he is mentally unstable?  So what should have happened next?  What did he tell me was going to happen next?  Answer: “Medication and counselling”.  He was going to get help for his depression and go back on medication.  I should have known it wasn’t going to happen.  Instead he set off on a two week VACATION!!!  VACATION!  REALLY?  So how exactly do you get any help…on VACATION?  How are you being monitored…ON VACATION?  By your girlfriend who obviously didn’t see how serious this is.  So while he was off having a good time I was left here angry, confused and with two upset kids.  For two weeks we had no communication.  During this time I went to counselling to talk about how I was affected and how I felt about everything.  I also got the kids talking.  Yet, he did nothing, at least nothing to help himself.

            So he gets home, I don’t even know when because he made no attempt at contacting me.  No request for access to the kids, nothing…at all.

            Here’s what he thought was a better idea…

            He went into a High School and asked to have his son dismissed for an appointment, only there was no “appointment”.  He lied AGAIN! The school asked if the son in question knew about the appointment which of course he did not.  The school then called me to confirm the “appointment” because they knew of the instability and the situation.  I confirmed that there was no appointment and that he should not be dismissed from school.  By the time I reached the school he was gone.  The school was very upset.  Lying to have a child excused from class is frowned upon, to put it mildly.  This is how kidnappings take place.  Schools aren’t dumb.

            So the High School contacted the other sons High school to let them know there was a problem.  Then the police were called.  Another police report was filed.  He is so lucky they didn’t charge him with attempted abduction.  So of course now that the police are involved a report goes to FACS and now they have become involved once again.  LOVELY!  I saw him and his sister drive by a couple of times while I was at the police station.  They were at the courthouse.  Getting divorce papers I assume.  Good, can’t wait to have this settled.  The police officer said he would explain that it would be in his best interest to leave the kids alone until FACS made a determination of the situation and that the matter may have to go to court.  That night BOTH boys sat down and wrote their father messages on Facebook.

Some quotes from son #1:

            “After everything you have done, you being dumb and trying to kill yourself, I have no interest in staying with you.”

                “…now I don’t want to see you.  Because of you”

                “ … you trying to take me, good job dad, you just made it that we will not see each other for a very, very long time.  Good job.  You did this to yourself and if you don’t get some help I’m not going to see you until you do.”

A quote from son #2:

                “I heard about what you did today and I’ve decided that I don't want to see you or talk to you until you attempt to fix what you've done”

                These are just a few quotes from the messages they sent.  I had NO hand in writing them, they were on their own for that but they both wanted to message him.  It had to come from them that they don’t want to see him right now.  So that should have worked right?  Nope.

                He got impatient and called FACS forcing them to call him back.  The FACS worker called me first and made arrangements to meet.  She advised me that she would tell him to stay away from the kids until she had a chance to meet with me and the kids as well as meet with him.  So now he’s had the police and FACS tell him to back off.

                The weekend was peaceful.  On Saturday we took the kids out of town to have a family day.  It was a nice weekend and wished it didn’t have to end?

                

 Monday came and what was his next move?  Go to the other High School of course.  He said he was only there to get information about his access.  However when leaving the school he saw his son crossing the street and decided to try and say hi. Apparently being told to stay away from the kids fell on deaf ears, and this confrontation did not go well at all.   Son #2 told him,  “you‘re not supposed to be here, I don’t want you here.  Get the hell away from me.”  Son #2 then went to the office where it took the staff a good 10 minutes to calm him down.  He decided to stay at school the rest of the day but he now feels unsafe there.  Also, from this situation and confrontations, son #2 seems to be developing anxiety issues and a possible ulcer. 

                So now what? We wait!  He’s apparently refusing to get help or take medication.  After my meeting with FACS I’m told I‘m doing the right thing.  I’m protecting my children.  I was told not to worry, and she would talk to him and tell him how he would be able to see his kids again. 

Her requests were simple:

Get medicated

Get counselling

Get HELP!

Remain stable for a period of months

                He says he doesn’t need anything, he’s perfectly fine.  I’m apparently the crazy one.  Me?!  The man attempted to kill himself, took pictures and is proud of it.  Obviously it was a way to get attention and I guess it worked, he got attention all right.  But he seems to have lost his children in the mix.

                Now he’s living with his sister who also has/had a history of mental illness.  She’s been in the car with him on BOTH trips to both high schools in his attempt to see the boys after being told to stay away.  She said she was staying out of it and yet she seems to be the one fueling the fire. Even going as far as creating alias facebook accounts to message us to tell us to a) stay out of it.  b) leave her out of it while getting into it herself and putting herself in it!  WHY?

                So now we wait.  Wait for the next eruption.  Wait for his next move.  Hope he doesn’t hurt anyone, including himself.  Please do not misunderstand me….I am not trying to keep the kids from him, I don’t want to see him in jail or even locked in a hospital….I...the kids...and yes, even my boyfriend.... just want him to get help.  Just get help and then he can see his kids again.

                If you’re a friend of his and you’re reading this PLEASE help him.  Be a friend.  He’s been lying to all of you.  He’s been lying about his depression, his anger, and his suicidal tendencies.  He’s been depressed for a long time but he’s a good actor and can make you believe that he’s fine.  Please someone see through his bullshit and see that he needs someone who is willing to get him the help he needs.  I hope he does.